Oh Fudge

Oh fudge you.

What the fudge do you want?

Then what are you fudging doing here?

Fudging fudgety fudge.

Let’s take a moment to remember that fudge isn’t a swear word, and that I don’t swear very much in real life, and that once you say a word many many times it loses its ability to be a swear word anyway and just becomes funny. It’s like how when you learn a foreign language, you want to learn how to swear because it’s entertaining. And then you gleefully shout recently-learnt swear words in the supermarket while giggling wildly. And they aren’t really swear words to you because they sound funny! Well, perhaps I’m the only one that does that. Some swear words really are quite funny though. I’d tell you them but I don’t particularly want WordPress to catch me for putting indecent content online. I’m actually a nice person, honest.

Well fudge you too.

No really, I like fudge. Fudge the English sweet, I mean. Get your mind out the gutter, you terrible, terrible person. I also like butter tablet and Kendal mint cake, but nobody wants to know my dirty English secrets (though I do enjoy them).

I was inspired by Happy Bellea’s good friend Ms Munch and Muse to have a go at this, and after completely disregarding up the recipe she followed, even though the recipe clearly said not to, I was rewarded with this:

Verdict? A bit too sweet for my taste, and not creamy enough. I also can’t decide if it looks appetising or not, because of the colour. Could have been my fault for not following the recipe exactly. Well, since I won’t be in UK that often, I guess I’ll give it another go soon 🙂

To be honest, this was a very respectable-tasting fudge when all’s said and done. Good and crumbly, and not crystallised at all. Very decent. A bit sweet for me, that’s all.

I’m just rather fussy about my fudge, I really really do not like the sweet and chewy types that are sold pre-packaged, even by Thorntons. It’s tiny sweet shops in little British villages selling home-made fudge all the way for me. I tried Aussie village fudge and for some reason that didn’t do it either. It’s that exact balance of creamy and crumbly, without a hint of chewiness. Over-sharing, I know. Well, at least you know to expect more fudge recipes with tweaks.

Brown Sugar Fudge with Dates

Recipe stolen and both intentionally and unintentionally disobeyed, from Sam Tan’s Kitchen

200g brown sugar
150g white sugar
175ml evaporated milk – non sweetened type please, not condensed milk
Just under 2 tablesp of butter
1 teasp vanilla extract
150g chopped dates – I just happened to have old ones left in the fridge that felt unloved. Let’s not try to figure out how long they’ve been there. I’m not sick yet and that’s all that counts with old food!

Baking paper and a small tray/dish (mine was about 10″ by 10″, that was a bit big, though the fudge did spread out on hardening.
A few cups of cold water, placed in the freezer so they get a bit icy.

  1. Dump the sugars, butter and milk into a heavy pot and stir slowly over low heat. Keep going until the sugar is dissolved, it should take about 15 minutes. Don’t be a blurcase like me and leave the heat up too high until the mixture slowly reaches a boil, then panic. Doesn’t achieve anything. Lucky this recipe seems to be a bit forgiving.
  2. In the meantime:
    • Chop your dates
    • Line your tray with baking paper
  3. Once the sugar has dissolved, turn up the heat to medium and let the mixture boil for 10-15 minutes until it reaches the softball, or as I quickly renamed it, the burn-finger stage. Don’t stir! Don’t freak out and stir like I did because it wasn’t supposed to be boiling yet!
    • Burn-finger stage: take a spoonful of boiling fudge and drop a droplet of it into an icy cold cup of water from the freezer. If the droplet dissipates or sinks then dissipates, it isn’t done. If the droplet forms a little ball, wait for it to cool a bit, and then pick it up and you should be able to roll it in your fingers. Use fresh icy water each time you test the fudge. You didn’t wait for it to cool, did you. See, burn-finger stage!
  4. Once you reach burn-finger stage, turn off the heat and let the fudge cool for a bit. About 10 minutes should be fine. Don’t stir.
  5. Now mix in the vanilla essence and chopped dates. Stir slowly. You’re done when the fudge starts complaining at you: “swlack swlack!” Sounds a bit squelchy and a bit similar to how Flubber would sound if he (she?) decided to scold someone.
  6. Pour hot fudge into your tray and leave to set for a few hours. Then, chop it up into squares.
  7. Prepare to welcome early-onset diabetes, this stuff is sweet.
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4 thoughts on “Oh Fudge

  1. Pretty great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I am going to be subscribing for your feed and I hope you write-up once again soon.

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