I’m so funny with my punny portmanteaus.
If you live with me, it’s no state secret that I love eggs, so much so that I decided to start an Egg Series.
I could even go meatless my entire life, but I need eggs. I get terribly eggscited whenever I talk about eggs. Since I’ve been quarantined to the house for a few days due to my highly contagious ‘flu (seriously I tried to go to work but I got sent home. You can’t have everything, I guess), I decided to treat myself to some poached eggs. “That’ll be easy,” I thought, after reading some instructions. Easy, they said!
I dutifully prepared all my ingredients for my third-day-in-a-row ‘flu lunch. But I don’t know whether it’s because of my head cold that I didn’t even bother wikihow-ing before I did it. You see, I’d read those instructions ages ago. One’s memory becomes terribly impaired during the ‘flu, I guess.
So anyway I brought the water to a boil, and dumped a couple of tablespoons of salt and one tablespoon of vinegar in.
Big mistake: the water was boiling angrily when I put the egg in. Oy vey (I’ve been watching way too many The Nanny re-runs during my sick time).
Naturally the egg white cooked way too quickly and went all over the place because of the bubbles. A lot of the white also stuck to the spatula when I tried to take it out. I also carelessly broke the yolk in the process of taking it out. Seriously, growing neurons is way easier than poaching a damn egg.
I decided to have my eggsceptionally poorly poached eggs with some smoked salmon on top of pumpernickel bread with a side of my usual celery-cherry tomato-lettuce combo. Although I can’t really smell anything because of my blocked nose, I could still taste the sourness of the vinegar coming through in the egg white. Is this supposed to happen? If so, I am not putting vinegar in next time!
You may go to Perfect Poached Egg for real directions on how to poach your egg properly
I sure as hell wouldn’t qualify for Masterchef because one needs to know how to poach an egg in order to be on the show. I have very far flung dreams (joining the UN, curing brain diseases, poaching perfect eggs), I know, but as any ol’ grad medical school applicant would say: persistence pays.